Shitty Chatroulette Conversation #2 (Burn Vitcim Penis)

That last post was super fun, and so, I did another one. This one tackles the concept of "cybersex" which is a term I've been familiar with ever since my penis and the internet started existing at the same time. The thing about "cybersex" is that you can't 100% guarantee that the person you are "cyberfucking" is in fact the person they claim to be. I know this from firsthand experience. Let me elaborate...

When I was maybe 14 I used to log on to any chat website that the Washburn school district's web server didn't block (i.e. every chat website) I would log onto chatrooms, and much like Chris Hansen's gang, I would pretend to be a thirteen year old girl from California (13/f/cali..duh) who wanted to "cyber" with older guys. I would engage these users in conversation, redirect my interests into phone sex, then give them a friends phone number. (usually my friend Jordan's due to his androgynous name) Hilarity ensued.

Unbeknownst to me, this was the catalyst that would eventually evolve into what is now known as "trolling" which I do regularly. In video games, on forums, hell even on my own facebook. Trolling is a great way to blow off steam on unsuspecting people who use the internet and also take themselves far too seriously.

So anyways, without further adieu, here is my most recent chatroulette troll. (and yes, my webcam was on)

Shitty Chatroulette Conversation #1

Oh. Em. Gee. Mike posted another blog? So soon?! Yes that's right folks I had time this morning to do a quick little bullshit blog. I'm sure some of you have been on chatroulette before, but if you haven't I'll explain. Basically you get a webcam and cycle through the internet, being paired eventually with a random person. You can video chat with this stranger, or exchange a quick thumbs up, or just do what most people seems to do and just flash your junk. Anyways since I started using this website back a couple of years ago I have been exposed to a few silly and/or disgusting conversations that have made me laugh. So I decided to share at least one of those conversations with you! Enjoy!

Unimportant Things That (Most) People Don't Know About Me

Hello again fans! I bet you've all been waiting forever for me to finally update my blog! Well the wait is over after a long... whoa... fucking five months? Well... shit. Well anyways I've decided to spend some time ignoring homework and focusing on one of my favorite things (and yours too damn it): ME! Of course the problem tonight is the problem I always have when I want to write a filler blog. I just can't really think of anything great to write. I mean everything I write is great (obviously) but I prefer to blog about something REALLY great. Something that, when I read a year or so later, makes me want to send a letter to myself in the past telling past Mike that he's awesome and that he shouldn't worry about getting less awesome in the future because he (obviously) didn't.

Anyways today's format is another list. Now I've never been one for the whole "20 things you never knew about me" bullshit but I was hope that I could break away to a slightly more entertaining mode. So if you love me as much as I do and you have virtually nothing else to do for the next five minutes, please enjoy the following list of "Unimportant Things That No One Knows About Me" and I'll see you later.

Seniors vs. Kids: Who sucks more?

Hello again my loving fans! I bet all three of you are just dying for a new blog about a new blog featuring my complaints! What's that? There's only two of you now? Oh, well, that's fine I suppose. It could be worse I could be a stripper like this girl, or a tiny asian lesbian like this one. Yay for shameless plugs! (seriously, check out those blogs) Anyways today We're not just complaining, we're going to make a list! Once and for all we're going to find out who is worse to be around: children, or old poeple! Read on for more offensive paragraphs!

The (very) Fine Line

Hello again for the first time in 2012! It's been a good long while since my last post and once again I forgot just how much I like to write these blogs. It's kind of a stress reliever, ya know? Believe you me, I need one. Lot's of drama going on right now that I'd actually really love to write about, but alas, I have already had a predetermined topic for this post in my mind for a long time. Today I'm going to talk about that invisible yet seemingly terrifying line that offensive asshole like myself are destined to cross.

Handouts

Hello fans! Sorry I've been absent for so long but you must understand that it's far easier to put off your blog when it's not a class requirement. There hasn't been much news in my life since my last post. Well sort of... Kenny and I no longer live together. I've been staying with Emma and also couch crashing at my friend Tara's new place. I should probably give her a shout out at this point as well since she's one of the only real fans of my blog. (Hi Tara!) Anyways Let's get down to the nitty gritty topic of the day; handouts

E-Social Norms

I just googled my name. Most of the hits have to do with me, including my google profile, my facebook page, my twitter page, my old myspace page , (how embarrassing) and some classmates.com page for my old elementary school that I don't remember making. I remember the first time I was introduced to the internet I was told that you weren't even supposed to tell people your first name because even with that they could send you viruses, steal your identity, and then track you down and rape you. Now maybe they just told us that because we were kids and the internet was a relatively new and scary place, and I've seen enough episodes of To Catch A Predator to know that shit is totally possible. But I think that the social aspects and safety of the internet, while still being quite dangerous, have changed a lot since I was a kid. Let's talk about it NOW!

People In My Life

This isn't going to be a countdown list because I don't really like to pick favorites. I realize you must be thinking "hey now Mike, by making this list aren't you doing just that? Hmm? What about that shit asshat?" Well first of all, don't call me names, and secondly, I may be picking favorites, but just because you're left off of this list doesn't mean I don't think you kick ass. It just means that I either I just plain forgot (and everyone knows you only forget the important things) or couldn't come up with a paragraph of praise for you. It's just best to assume that you kick ass of your own merits. Anyways her are the fab nine I could think of.

Reconnections

I was inspired today by a blog I did a couple weeks ago where I mentioned losing touch with your friends. The reason I was reminded about it was actually a person. When I lived in Madison I had this friend named Casandra. We met in a (composition?) class at Herzing University and became friends quickly. We once went on an adventure around Madison in the middle of the night, getting lost several times, but also finding one of the coolest overlooks of the city there is. Casandra and I lost touch about three months before I left for Duluth, but recently she found me out of the blue and it was really nice to hear from her.

Brown Paper Packages Tied Up with String....

So I forgot to mention that recently I got meself a new laptop. Yeah it's pretty swanky. I especially dig the keypad that automatically lights up when this little sensor decides that the room is too dark. Does it surprise you to know that I look at my hands when I type? Probably not. I think almost everyone does. I remember when I was taking piano lessons I was told that a good pianist looks at the music and not the keys. That way  you can see what you need to play next. I was way more about memorizing the music and  then looking at my hands to play it. Now I'm terrible at sight reading music, but I tell you something I kick musics ass when I have it memorized. Anyways I'm getting off topic. The reason I mentioned the computer in the first place was because I wanted to blog a list of my favorite possessions, besides the computer of course. Unlike the computer these things may not have cash value, but rather are dear to my heart. Plus they have pictures! I don't know how long the list will be either, I'm just going to start with item one and stop when I don't feel like telling you about my shit anymore. Here we go.

The Adventures of Mike the Outlaw: Episode 1

Breaking the law almost always has an element of fun. I don't mean murder or rape, dicks. I mean little stuff like speeding, skipping school or throwing frozen grapes at old people. One thing I like about breaking the law is that if you get caught, it can still make for a pretty funny story. If you break the law in Wisconsin, the record of your violation is kept online and is free to access on the Wisconsin Circuit Court Access webpage. You can type just about anyone's name into the thing and find records of their dirty deeds, usually in pretty good detail. Well I'm going to save you the trouble with a new series of blogs I am going to call The Adventures of Mike the Outlaw!

Barely worth reading

So it's been a while since my last post and there's a reason for that. I'm hitting one of those dreadful mid semester walls. I think everyone has had that feeling where they don't really feel like finishing the semester and would almost rather take a C in every class and call it good. Well last week I was sick with influenza. I call it influenza and not "the flu" because I think that's a stupid abbreviation for a virus. You don't call lukemia "the lukes". Anyways that was really just the catalyst for this feeling I think but the lapse has thrown off everything in my life so I think for my make-up blog I'm just going to do some bitching.

Five things I'm probably better at than you are

Hello again!  In a desperate attempt to fill my quota for the journal assignment that this blog is a part of, I have decided to do two blogs today. (I might do three seeing as how I need one more after this but we'll see if I feel that redundant) Now today I was watching The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters, which is possibly the best documentary of all time and if you haven't seen it you're a blithering dolt. Anyways while I was watching the film there was a quote that sparked my interest. The quote was from Steve Weibe's brother and it was something like "[Not many people know someone who is the best in the world at something]" it got me thinking and while I do not claim to be the best in the world at any one thing I do think there are things that I'm probably better at than most anyone who will read this. They may not be useful things, but I'm damn good at them and proud enough of it to share it on the internet. So please, enjoy my list of five things I'm probably better at than you are.

The Magical Laundromat

Hello loved ones. before I begin my topic for the day I just want to say how severely annoyed I am with my assignments today. I understand that I'm in college right now and as a college student I should expect a higher workload. I'm a fully capable adult who could be able to balance his time in a mature way. That being said I wish all of my teachers would do that thing that all of us college students want them to and realize that we're taking more than one class with homework. I won't name any names though.


 Enough of that. Let me now take you on a magical journey through one of my favorite places of wonder; The Laundromat!

Zodiac signs (yes, they ARE bullshit)

So for a few weeks now I have been aware of this super futile "uproar" about the zodiac sign changes that the Minnesota Planetarium Society announced earlier this year. The gist of the message is that the moon's gravitational pull on the Earth actually offset the wobble of the Earths rotation and pushed the positions of the stars and constellations by a month. It's funny to me that so many people made a big deal about it because the whole zodiac this is really nothing more than a silly novelty, like unicorns, pixies, and invisible friends in the sky. (oops) Read on to hear my thoughts on the farce that is "astrology".

Valentine Thoughts

Greetings everyone! To those of you who are blessed with the company of someone to call you valentine I wish you the happiest and most disgustingly cute valentines day ever! To the rest of you I want you to know that while I cannot speak of behalf of the single populous, you can rest assured that tomorrow couples around you won't feel the need to pretend that they give more of a shit about each other than anyone else does. "Ah sweet reprieve!" is what you might be thinking at this point, but unfortunately for you I've decided that today I'm going to share a few senseless thoughts on LOVE. Awww!

Superpowers!

Today I wanted to step off the complaint train and into a brighter topic. What kind of optimist would I be if every time I posted one of these rants it contained nothing but discontent and all around bitchy. It's time to get off your period Mike and start talking about something that will brighten someones day when they read it. I picked superpowers! I've been thinking about this all week and I've decided to pass the thoughts onto you, the consumer! So please read on!

The city that never met my expectations

Today I feel like talking about Duluth. Before I start I want every Duluthian who reads this to know that I don't harbor any ill feelings towards you. I'm just stating how I feel and if you have any gripe with that feel free to bring it up. Some of you already know I feel this way and if you don't want to hear it all over again don't bother reading any further.

(Un)Bucket List

 Have you ever tried to make a list of things to do before you die? I have, and the attempt was most unsuccessful. I believe I have one on my Evernote app right now actually. This only thing on the list is "eat a whatchamacallit" which is one of the few domestic candy bars that I've never eaten but always wondered about. (Feel free to leave a comment about then if you're a fan) I think maybe one of the reasons that the idea of a bucket list never really took is that I would rather live my life celebrating what I've done instead of dwelling on things that I may do or never will. I suppose that sounds a bit melancholy but I don't mean it to sound that way. It's not that I think people who make big plans are just setting themselves up for disappointment, it's just that I think the greater events in someones life will seem even greater when you add a dash of spontaneity to them.

A funny (and slightly sexy) dream

 Hello! Today I've decide to give out a little information. Today is January 22nd, which is the anniversary of the births of DJ Jazzy Jeff and John Hurt, who is one of my favorite English actors. Today also marks the anniversary of the deaths of Heath Ledger and Lyndon B. Johnson. 

 Anyways I was sifting through old draft e-mails and I came across a dream that I had written down for some reason. I thought it was worth sharing so I've decided to incorporate it into my blog today. This dream I think was written down in 2009 I think. So yeah, here it is. Hooray!