The Magical Laundromat

Hello loved ones. before I begin my topic for the day I just want to say how severely annoyed I am with my assignments today. I understand that I'm in college right now and as a college student I should expect a higher workload. I'm a fully capable adult who could be able to balance his time in a mature way. That being said I wish all of my teachers would do that thing that all of us college students want them to and realize that we're taking more than one class with homework. I won't name any names though.


 Enough of that. Let me now take you on a magical journey through one of my favorite places of wonder; The Laundromat!





I'm here at the wondrous Maytag on 4th street. This is a marvelous location that I'm sure many Duluthians are familiar with. The thing that I love the most about the laundromat is the reoccurring stereotypical characters that you see at the laundromat. Let's take a peak at some of the best of the best.


The working class class mother and her sister/cousin/best friend


These two remind me of a pair of seagulls that are just waiting to shit on a new Lexus. There is never a quiet moment between them. Either gossiping about their Walgreens coworkers that they hate the most or arguing over who's ex husband(s) is the biggest asshole. Yes these women bring in whatever size 14 mom jeans they might've had laying around the living room of their first floor section 8 apartment and their faded Mickey Mouse and Nascar sweaters and literally take over an entire corner of the building. More often than not they bring one or more obese children with them who they serve a glorious dinner of Mountain Dew and doritos. These kids then proceed to go absolutely sugar-fuck-crazy, running around the washing machines like a back ally playground pushing the wheelie baskets around and telling people they're laundry loads are "almost done" twenty minutes before the machines go into rinse cycle.


The interracial couple


Usually a black guy and a white girl, these two fun loving lovers pull up in a larger sized sedan with a single subwoofer blowing the rust of the wheel wells. When the enter the building, they are A. arguing, B.  ignoring each other, or C. practically walk-fucking. Yes these two are the chimes that let you know that ghetto love is thick in the air, dropping clothing items as the make their multiple hauls in. (these items are usually things like jnco jeans, south pole hoodies, and thongs the size of playground swings) If they're arguing it's loud. Like LOUD. and anyone who didn't have the hindsight to bring headhpones with them gets to hear all about how Tiffany totally knows that her man Doo-Wayne is cheating on her with that skank who lives by the liquor store. Surprisingly, if these two brought a child with them they tend to be far more quiet kids, and sometimes even downright interesting. Don't pass up the opportunity to learn some ghetto knowledge from these little corn-rowed street smart toddlers.


The one girl that's kind of hot but it only seems that way because you're at the fucking laundromat


Oh you tease. You and your salt stained Uggs, your hoodie that displays the name of a college you may or may not attend or supports the Minnesota North Stars (even though they haven't been a hockey team for 13 years), your messy ponytail oh all of it just really turns my crank! I think... maybe... it probably does. These women are quiet and more often than not they are the single biggest producers of cat hair in the laundromat. They probably come to avoid the roommate(s) that they may have just fought with, or perhaps they didn't think the washer and dryer in the basement of their apartment complex was clean because they have some sort of gross neighbor. Whatever the case they are the eye candy for just about every dude that walks in here, present company included.


The procrastinating college student who only does his homework on laundry day


No, not me. Tonight I was just hard up for blog ideas. I'm talking about they guys that bring in EVERY SINGLE PIECE of fabric they own. They realize then that they've already jerked off twice today, and going for thirds would be counterproductive. So the seat next to their mountain of laundry is reserve for they're backpack, laptop, and half the textbooks they own. These guys usually don't bother me, except for when instead of headphone they crank the volume up on their laptop's shitty speakers and force everyone who can still hear after the arguing couple left is tortured by Beck, Phish, John Mayer, Jack Johnson (need I go on?)


The judgmental blogger


This guy is my absolute favorite, hands down. Not only did this pretentious asshole take up three machines at once, but it leaves his shit lying literally all over the fucking laundromat. The prick proceeds to judge everyone around him, but then ignores them until they ask him if they can exchange four quarters for a laundry token. Often the guy will leave his shit in the washing machine and won't return to switch it around for nearly an hour, usually coming back with some stinky overpriced to go food from the co-op. Do us all a favor douchebag, blog at home where all you have to complain about are things you read on the internet.