Zodiac signs (yes, they ARE bullshit)

So for a few weeks now I have been aware of this super futile "uproar" about the zodiac sign changes that the Minnesota Planetarium Society announced earlier this year. The gist of the message is that the moon's gravitational pull on the Earth actually offset the wobble of the Earths rotation and pushed the positions of the stars and constellations by a month. It's funny to me that so many people made a big deal about it because the whole zodiac this is really nothing more than a silly novelty, like unicorns, pixies, and invisible friends in the sky. (oops) Read on to hear my thoughts on the farce that is "astrology".

So your sign changed huh?

Photo by Maddox (one of the best bloggers ever)

Why is it that you believe in that shit anyways? Did you read somewhere that your sign has a lot of characteristics that someone you know pointed out are "totally you!" or maybe you were stupid enough to read only the characteristics that pertain to your sign and decided that you're definitely just like that. Well maybe you should have found a website that sorts the signs under the adjectives rather than the other way around. You know what shithead, I'll do it for you.

Are you loyal?

Well then you might be one of the very few people who are blessed enough to be born under Taurus, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Scorpio, Capricorn, or Pisces! Wow! How did you manage to fall into that selectively small group of loyal people?

Maybe you're a little stubborn?

Holy reach around! That means you are so unlucky that you fell into the minuscule group of people born under Aquarius, Aries, Taurus, Leo, Virgo, Scorpio, or Gemini. Tough luck pal. Of all the luck in the world who would've thought you're misfortunes would've stemmed to being one of the unlucky 50%?

This is just a small example of how stupid and vague the "personality traits" of your zodiac sign are. Not to mention that most of the words used to describe one zodiac generally mean the same thing. For instance I'm an Aquarius. A website I found say that I'm witty and clever. I'm also inventive and original. Oh but sad day, looks like I am not only stubborn but I'm also rebellious. Furthermore I'm unemotional but also aloof. (yes aloof is a word, it basically means unemotional and unsocial, which we all know totally defines me right?)

Look, I read my horoscope sometimes because like wishes and praying (oops again!) it's a fun way to pretend like you know what's going to happened in the future. But that's it, it's pretend. And just because your sign changed doesn't mean you don't get to pretend anymore. All you have to do is read a different fucking horoscope and get that idiot tattoo removed. 

And even if you don't want to do that there are idiots out there just like you that say that the Western zodiac actually follows the seasons rather than the stars. So if you don't want your sign to change then it doesn't have to. It's like religion man, as long as you change it before you die you'll be just fine.