Superpowers!

Today I wanted to step off the complaint train and into a brighter topic. What kind of optimist would I be if every time I posted one of these rants it contained nothing but discontent and all around bitchy. It's time to get off your period Mike and start talking about something that will brighten someones day when they read it. I picked superpowers! I've been thinking about this all week and I've decided to pass the thoughts onto you, the consumer! So please read on!

Okay first off I want to get through the obvious superpowers I would like to have. These one's could be really great because as we've all learned (well some of us have learned) from reading Marvel comics (Marvel > DC, but DC has Batman so I guess they aren't so bad either) is that you can pile conventional superpowers on top of each other one onto another until you're basically every superhero in one. I think that's kind of unfair so I'm going to countdown the top five individual conventional superpowers I would like to have. (I chose top five because top three doesn't give me enough and top ten is borderline pretentious)

#5 - Flight

Now I know that as soon as my girlfriend reads this she'll make that "oh come on" face. This is because she, like many people, puts flight as her number 1 superpower. I decided that while it would be very cool to be able to fly anywhere you want, you would get quite cold because of the air rushing around you all the time. Especially in the winter. (When I brought this up to her her reply was "Well I'll wear a fucking hat") The Iron Man suit does NOT count as a super power in my book so don't bother bringing it (or any other "super suits") up. Being rich is not a superpower.

#4 - Super Strength

  

This one is pretty obvious because you see so many regular people trying to achieve this superpower already. I myself have a neglected GNC gold member card sitting somewhere in my apartment and every spring I start the "summer tone up" but the ability to pick up cars and swing them like they were metal folding chairs in a WWE match just seems super fun to me. Plus I could FINALLY rip a phone book in half. (The hard way, not the trick way)

#3 - Telekinesis

Where it's more prominent in my gender to want to pick up that car and throw it with your arms, to me somehow it seems even more appealing to be able to do it with your mind. I have always fantasized about being able to blow something up or knock down a building simply by thinking it and video games, movies, and books have only strengthened that fantasy. plus with telekinesis powers you'd be able to make your body levitate, turning the flight power nearly obsolete. You could also stop bullets, Vader choke people, the whole nine yards. Remember when Yoda threw that donut chair thing at Sidious? So awesome.

#2 - Regeneration

Wolverine is the ultimate fighter. Sure he's got the buffness going for him, but his ability to take a hit in the most perfect sense cranks his superpower to my number two. Get cut? Heal. Get Shot? Heal. Anyone who knows my track record with injuries could tell you that I could benefit from this superpower for the rest of my life. Not only that but ironically I'm extremely afraid to die...ever. Regeneration could maintain my body until the time comes (if it comes) that I feel like I'm ready to die. Then I would simply just devise a way to sever my head from my body and keep it that way. (No, you can't just grow a new body)

#1 - Teleportation

If there is one thing that scares me more than death, it the idea that I will never be able to accomplish everything I want to while I'm alive. Teleportation I think could assist me in that dream better than any other super power. If I want to go somewhere, if I need money, if I want to escape from danger, skydive, move into a new place, or take my girl on a date to the top of the Eiffel Tower in the middle of the night it could all be done in the blink of an eye. 

Now that those conventional powers have been neatly ordered, it's time to talk about some less conventional ones that may not be practical, but they sure would be awesome to have. Once again with this list these are powers I would most likely have singularly, but ideally I would have them all. Let's go for it! Oh by the way, I realize I didn't come up with these on my own (well most of them) I'm just using them as example of lesser sought after superpowers that I particularly like.

#5 - Impervious to the Elements

Comfortableness is a pretty important thing for us humans. We've abandoned the whole adapt to your environment thing and instead swaddle ourselves in winter gear or stick fans and air conditioners around the house to keep us from be bipedal salamanders.With this power one could walk outside no matter what the weather dressed however they wanted. heat waves, cold fronts, all of those things would be simple inconveniences to our cars or ice cream. One drawback to this power however is that you may never be able to enjoy a cold beer or a warm cup of tea. I suppose people with a similar form of congenital insensitivity to pain know what this is like. I'd be interested to know.

#4 - Infinite Energy

Everyone has their physical limits, but with this power you could be "unfatigueable" You could play your favorite sport for forever. ( meant you'd still suck at it but whatever) You could put in a 17 hour work day and still have the energy at the end of the day to play lazer tag for two hours. I know a few sex addicts who would appreciate such a super power too. 

#3 - The Double Jump

 What?! Oh come on you don't think that's a superpower? Oh it is. You think Mario, Samus, or ninjas would have ever gotten anywhere without this amazing feat of acrobatics? Fuck you. This super power gets so many cool points that it blows # 4 and 5 out of the water on pure awesomeness. Think about it, you jump up into the air, then, while STILL in the air, you jump AGAIN. Maybe this wouldn't serve for many people besides basketballs players and thieves, but shit, it's the double jump. The DOUBLE FUCKING JUMP!

#2 - Perfect Memory 

Now there are actually people in the world who may have a touch of this superpower, savants and the like, but not on the scale that I would like it. If you could remember everything you could get a degree in anything. You'd never miss a birthday or have to check your job schedule as often as I do. (like every day) With a perfect memory every day life would be so much easier, and the course of your life would probably steer in a far more ideal path than it does for most of us who can't even remember the names of all the Power Rangers.

 (I just know the black ranger was a black guy, the yellow ranger was an asian chick... way to go 90s hollywood execs)

#1 - Knowledge of probability (or knowing the odds)

Somehow, to me, probability is an incredibly powerful force. I apply the concepts of probability to my life in ways that no other factor touches. To me one of the greatest, if not the greatest superpower I can think of is the ability to know the odds of any scenario. I could be driving down the road and know the odds of making it before the light turns red. I would know how many scratch tickets I would need to buy to make any money. I could know the odds of a choice I made one one day affecting my life more drastically down the road. I'm sure this sounds like being able to see the future, but I don't really believe in "seeing the future" because it isn't really there. Obviously this is a topic that is hard to discuss by myself so I encourage anyone who reads this to bring this up in conversation with me. For me this is one of those topics that just doesn't grow old.

So that's it. My piece on super powers. Now I want to hear ideas! What are some superpowers that I didn't mention that you would want, be them conventional or obscure? Or maybe you disagree with my top five, and I'm sure someone does. Hit me up, I like talking about this shit to other people besides my girlfriend you know.