Shitty Chatroulette Conversation #2 (Burn Vitcim Penis)

That last post was super fun, and so, I did another one. This one tackles the concept of "cybersex" which is a term I've been familiar with ever since my penis and the internet started existing at the same time. The thing about "cybersex" is that you can't 100% guarantee that the person you are "cyberfucking" is in fact the person they claim to be. I know this from firsthand experience. Let me elaborate...

When I was maybe 14 I used to log on to any chat website that the Washburn school district's web server didn't block (i.e. every chat website) I would log onto chatrooms, and much like Chris Hansen's gang, I would pretend to be a thirteen year old girl from California (13/f/cali..duh) who wanted to "cyber" with older guys. I would engage these users in conversation, redirect my interests into phone sex, then give them a friends phone number. (usually my friend Jordan's due to his androgynous name) Hilarity ensued.

Unbeknownst to me, this was the catalyst that would eventually evolve into what is now known as "trolling" which I do regularly. In video games, on forums, hell even on my own facebook. Trolling is a great way to blow off steam on unsuspecting people who use the internet and also take themselves far too seriously.

So anyways, without further adieu, here is my most recent chatroulette troll. (and yes, my webcam was on)

Shitty Chatroulette Conversation #1

Oh. Em. Gee. Mike posted another blog? So soon?! Yes that's right folks I had time this morning to do a quick little bullshit blog. I'm sure some of you have been on chatroulette before, but if you haven't I'll explain. Basically you get a webcam and cycle through the internet, being paired eventually with a random person. You can video chat with this stranger, or exchange a quick thumbs up, or just do what most people seems to do and just flash your junk. Anyways since I started using this website back a couple of years ago I have been exposed to a few silly and/or disgusting conversations that have made me laugh. So I decided to share at least one of those conversations with you! Enjoy!

Unimportant Things That (Most) People Don't Know About Me

Hello again fans! I bet you've all been waiting forever for me to finally update my blog! Well the wait is over after a long... whoa... fucking five months? Well... shit. Well anyways I've decided to spend some time ignoring homework and focusing on one of my favorite things (and yours too damn it): ME! Of course the problem tonight is the problem I always have when I want to write a filler blog. I just can't really think of anything great to write. I mean everything I write is great (obviously) but I prefer to blog about something REALLY great. Something that, when I read a year or so later, makes me want to send a letter to myself in the past telling past Mike that he's awesome and that he shouldn't worry about getting less awesome in the future because he (obviously) didn't.

Anyways today's format is another list. Now I've never been one for the whole "20 things you never knew about me" bullshit but I was hope that I could break away to a slightly more entertaining mode. So if you love me as much as I do and you have virtually nothing else to do for the next five minutes, please enjoy the following list of "Unimportant Things That No One Knows About Me" and I'll see you later.

Seniors vs. Kids: Who sucks more?

Hello again my loving fans! I bet all three of you are just dying for a new blog about a new blog featuring my complaints! What's that? There's only two of you now? Oh, well, that's fine I suppose. It could be worse I could be a stripper like this girl, or a tiny asian lesbian like this one. Yay for shameless plugs! (seriously, check out those blogs) Anyways today We're not just complaining, we're going to make a list! Once and for all we're going to find out who is worse to be around: children, or old poeple! Read on for more offensive paragraphs!

The (very) Fine Line

Hello again for the first time in 2012! It's been a good long while since my last post and once again I forgot just how much I like to write these blogs. It's kind of a stress reliever, ya know? Believe you me, I need one. Lot's of drama going on right now that I'd actually really love to write about, but alas, I have already had a predetermined topic for this post in my mind for a long time. Today I'm going to talk about that invisible yet seemingly terrifying line that offensive asshole like myself are destined to cross.

The Other Side

Holy balls. Did you read that last post of mine? Depressing as shit! Well I've got news for you emo Mike; you're going away for a while. At least until the next girl dumps you anyways. So what's new with happy fun cool Mike you ask? Well read on for my latest thoughts on science, religion, and none of the above!

The End

Her stuff is packed up. It's sitting ironically in the same box she brought my stuff in. I wish I could say this is the worst part. This must be how conservative pro-lifers feel when they're forced to get abortions for health reasons. I'll be honest, you're not going to want to read this post. I'm really just trying to get this shit off my chest and this is the way I've been doing that lately. I understand that she might read this and she might not, but maybe if she does I will have, at the very least, shown that I put some thought into what I am about to say. Or she'll think this is the icing on the immaturity cake... Sorry.

You Suck If.... (part one)

You suck if...

How Osama Probably Died.

So since it was announced in May that Osama Bin Laden was killed people have been in a state of confusion over how exactly he died. I guess the official story is that he was killed by a special forces team in a firefight but we all know that news sources are about as trustworthy as a nymphomaniac in an elevator when it comes to the Middle East. So to clear things up I've compiled a list of the most likely ways that Bin Laden actually died.

Handouts

Hello fans! Sorry I've been absent for so long but you must understand that it's far easier to put off your blog when it's not a class requirement. There hasn't been much news in my life since my last post. Well sort of... Kenny and I no longer live together. I've been staying with Emma and also couch crashing at my friend Tara's new place. I should probably give her a shout out at this point as well since she's one of the only real fans of my blog. (Hi Tara!) Anyways Let's get down to the nitty gritty topic of the day; handouts

Bar Blog #1

I've decide to start a new miniseries of blogs. The idea behind it is that I will blog from various bars I go to describing my time there. Obviously I won't be able to do this at every bar and especially not on the weekends so these things probably won't be all that interesting, but I'm going to do them anyways for funsies. Tonight I'm at the Burrito Union. Let's see what's happening!

The Mifflin Street Block Party

Every year in Madison there is an epic shit show of drunks that's called the Mifflin Street Block Party. Basically two blocks on Mifflin Street are blocked off and college students drink their faces off for the day. Normally the rule is that you can only be consuming alcohol on privately owned property, meaning if you get caught drinking anywhere but in someone's yard or house or porch you get arrested. This year they amended the rules so that you are allowed to drink anything on the street as long as it's not in a glass container. Well this year it was even more of a blast, and I thought I'd give a little recap.

E-Social Norms

I just googled my name. Most of the hits have to do with me, including my google profile, my facebook page, my twitter page, my old myspace page , (how embarrassing) and some classmates.com page for my old elementary school that I don't remember making. I remember the first time I was introduced to the internet I was told that you weren't even supposed to tell people your first name because even with that they could send you viruses, steal your identity, and then track you down and rape you. Now maybe they just told us that because we were kids and the internet was a relatively new and scary place, and I've seen enough episodes of To Catch A Predator to know that shit is totally possible. But I think that the social aspects and safety of the internet, while still being quite dangerous, have changed a lot since I was a kid. Let's talk about it NOW!

People In My Life

This isn't going to be a countdown list because I don't really like to pick favorites. I realize you must be thinking "hey now Mike, by making this list aren't you doing just that? Hmm? What about that shit asshat?" Well first of all, don't call me names, and secondly, I may be picking favorites, but just because you're left off of this list doesn't mean I don't think you kick ass. It just means that I either I just plain forgot (and everyone knows you only forget the important things) or couldn't come up with a paragraph of praise for you. It's just best to assume that you kick ass of your own merits. Anyways her are the fab nine I could think of.

The Adventures of Mike the Outlaw: Episode 2

This story of my unlawful exploits contains some police work that is slightly impressive and some that is slightly disgraceful. Now I know I make it seem like I hate the police but the truth is I don't. I just really dislike the police. I think that it's strange that people that have one of the highest paying jobs that require arguably one of the smallest amounts of actually education get to walk around with handguns and handcuffs barking orders at everyone else and intimidating anyone who slightly annoys them. Not that there aren't damn good cops out there, I just feel like I don't get to meet many of them.

End of Semester Slacking

Well I've officially sunken into the worst of the school lethargy. I'm sick of my homework,  my classes, I just don't want to do it. I've had a talk with a few friends and it would seem that most of them share my pain and wish that some sort of Hogwarts scenario would go down where we didn't have to take finals because some kid found the chamber of secrets. Despite my nerdy hopes of school cancellations,  the classes will continue and the exams will undoubtedly plague for at least a week. But I don't know, I can think of other reasons why the last couple months of school are particularly the worst.

Reconnections

I was inspired today by a blog I did a couple weeks ago where I mentioned losing touch with your friends. The reason I was reminded about it was actually a person. When I lived in Madison I had this friend named Casandra. We met in a (composition?) class at Herzing University and became friends quickly. We once went on an adventure around Madison in the middle of the night, getting lost several times, but also finding one of the coolest overlooks of the city there is. Casandra and I lost touch about three months before I left for Duluth, but recently she found me out of the blue and it was really nice to hear from her.

Brown Paper Packages Tied Up with String....

So I forgot to mention that recently I got meself a new laptop. Yeah it's pretty swanky. I especially dig the keypad that automatically lights up when this little sensor decides that the room is too dark. Does it surprise you to know that I look at my hands when I type? Probably not. I think almost everyone does. I remember when I was taking piano lessons I was told that a good pianist looks at the music and not the keys. That way  you can see what you need to play next. I was way more about memorizing the music and  then looking at my hands to play it. Now I'm terrible at sight reading music, but I tell you something I kick musics ass when I have it memorized. Anyways I'm getting off topic. The reason I mentioned the computer in the first place was because I wanted to blog a list of my favorite possessions, besides the computer of course. Unlike the computer these things may not have cash value, but rather are dear to my heart. Plus they have pictures! I don't know how long the list will be either, I'm just going to start with item one and stop when I don't feel like telling you about my shit anymore. Here we go.

Emma and Mike's Road Trip

Well I just got back from vacation with my girlfriend Emma and it was quite the adventure! We took about four days (not counting the recovery day) and drove roughly 550 miles all around Minnesota and Wisconsin.  In case you didn't know we took a trip to Stillwater and then went to a second chance prom in Siren. I had so much fun and really came to appreciate Emma's companionship during the journey.I find it so hard to find people who I can tolerate for a long road trip, but also finding people who can tolerate me. Let me give you a brief account of our journey through the power of electronic text! Bam!

A whole lotta nuthin'

Do you know how big of a pain it is to find a single bedroom apartment? This blows dude. I had a place in January but I hesitated to grab it up and now I lost the opportunity. Fuckbeans. Anyways this post isn't going to be about anything in particular so if you'd rather read something with direction I suggest skipping this one.